God seriously does knows how to play a prank on people sometimes.., & I've to totally agree with this sentence because I never expect this to come anyways. Love has never been a smooth pathway for me. When I was young like a little girl on the street.., I always enjoyed watching movies, shows, dramas which is all about the beautiful four letter word which is "LOVE". I always imagine myself as the main actress in the shows.., putting myself as them as they experienced the sweetest kisses from the main actor & I even imagine myself as living happily ever after. I always enjoy those beautiful love story in televisions. They feel so realistic to me. Even when I surf the net, I search for beautiful love stories. I love to see couples holding hands, kissing lips to lips, & many others. Towards me, love is something so sweet, so loving, so romantic.. & to be honest, I always wanna the most beautiful young lady in love with her Knight. I never trusted in princes yet I am very interested in search of my own Knights (:
Love was so beautiful to me when I fantasize in my own world, imaginating all those lovely images. & Finally the word "Love" came upon me reaching the age of fourteen, just an ordinary girl on the road who happen to have found love by chance. The man was my first love, the man whom I believed he's my Knight. The man I can spend the rest of my lives with. Amazingly, I have such thinking. Then we went through an underground relationship for less than 2 months but more than one month. I've never know love has its bad sides until me & him ended. I always wanted a second chance with him, wanted to be with him again cos my hugs, my kisses, my hands were all stolen by him & he makes me deeply attached. Always believing in forever, I give myself false hopes of patching up with him and all those crazy thoughts. While wanting to forget him, wanting him to be gone in my life, I thought of different crazy ways to want him back.., I even resort to finding Boyfs to replace him resulting myself to be hurt even more when I realize how dearly I love that man still. I tried so hard to find so many guys but I can't seemed to forget that man so much. Eventually I resulted in finding no guys until coming towards Nov.
As I was saying all those Boyfs, I still harbour a thought of them making me believe in forever, but as the road I gone. As I recalled back.., it was so painful, so hurting.., because they are not that kind of really loving guys, yet those guys who just wanna kiss, hug or whatsoever. Images of beautiful love story from television I watched feel so unreal towards me. Everything seemed to be so fake, so unreal, so not true at all. It makes me feel all disappointed & tearyy on why dramas, movies & all those on television are reel. I like the way how the guy woo girl on television. I even imagine myself as being them, but it never occur to me before towards all those guys after my first love. Just when I was losing hope, falling to my deepest point, a man in Nov'o7 appeared in my life. Making me believe a glimpse of hope. He didn't woo me like in televisions but he is one of the most romantic guy I have ever found. He has un-real ideas with me & he made me fallen so much more compared to my first love. That man told me all about a beautiful future with him, going overseas with him & I actually allowed him to share a woman. In fact.., I loved this man so dearly & my thoughts of future started to liften because he too, believe we have a future.
He ain't the most handsome guy or what yet I know the moments with him are real. From him, those things I saw in television seemed real.., & slowly as it goes to when school reopen, he has become my longest Boyf, two months plus. I have learnt not to wanting to meet my Boyf daily yet just once in a while. For him, I can don't meet him & have the faith that I will meet him when Olvls are over. I actually believed that when I was with him. But things just doesn't go so smoothly as it should be. On the week after our second months, our love story ended unknowingly.., I've no idea why. On that night, I know I didn't cry at all. I will still gloating & happy over it. Until the following day, I still remember so clearly it was my social studies, I cried so badly. I shed countless tears on that day. So much & as days goes by, it seemed harder to move on. I've loved this man so dearly so much but he just didn't know yet say a breakup. Three weeks of tears shedding, so painful ): But I can't do anything to get him back despite sending fake messages or what. It totally ended & I cried so much. I tried ways & means to get him back but to no vaild, it is meant to end ): & all those thoughts are shattered completely by him. So painful, but I tell myself to move on. So hard. As times goes by, day by day I count my own singlehood, showing off to people but somewhere deep inside me, I love him still. But I just couldn't face that. Love has seriously wounded my heart. Causing me to be lost & not wanting any relationships.
In the process of wanting to forget him.., a guy appeared while I was playing MapleSEA private server. A man unknowingly appear. I don't know him yet simply we are just great friends in MapleSEA Private Server. Although he doesn't talk much, I am glad to know. We exchanged email & talk not so much here & there. I never once bother who is he or what is he up to yet just making mere friendship (: & the guy was really a wonderful guy with less words. Soon, we also exchange numbers. We talked & msg-ed & eventually become great friends. He became a close friend to me & finally we met up on Jul. Before that.., during May, something bad happened. I met up that love, the guy who made me shed many teardrops. He told me "Our love is just a game, I never loved you". How painful the wound gets. The wound get deeper & deeper causing me not to be in anymore relationships at all & I tell myself, forget it. No more love at all. That guy who I knew in MapleSEA Private Server become a good friend & I know I've no feelings for him. Even at that moment when we first met up, he sheltered me in the rain, I didn't see him as him yet see him at my second love. The guy was nothing but just a mere friend. At first, I thought I was pretty ugly & he wouldn't bother to msg me, but God just love giving me surprises. He continue making me as his friends. Causing me to be all stunned & surprised. Our friendship begin since May'o8
But things can be really surprising as times.., the guy whom always became my friend or even close friend actually confessed to me on the 3o Aug. & I know I was completely appalled for what he has say & I have no idea why would he say that. I did not flirt with him or do anything to attract him yet be me, myself & I. Nothing but just that. When he confessed, I was kinda surprised & find that he was being random. I never once had feelings for that man. No feelings at all. Then weeks before, another guy confessed too. But I know I was being myself but they were in love with me. I was wondering what did I do? I have no idea at all. & It was really strange. I hear about why does that guy fallen for me. I asked for answers but I didn't give any answer because I know I ain't ready & I have to prepare for my Olvls. But I guess within that period of time.., I know & definitely knows that none will touch my heart as I have no interest for them at all. On the guy whom name is Desmond, he celebrated his birthday chalet on 2oth & I went over to celebrate for him. Only reaching the chalet then I remembered, he was the guy who told me he is in love with me. Reaching there, I know I was anxious & scared. I couldn't stop talking at all. Cos I know I don't know how to respond to someone who loves me. He give me a gift. No reaction at all. Friends consellor me & him but nothing goes in my ears.
I know no love was in between us at all. I totally knows that nothing was able to hit me at all. On the following day, I cried heavily due to the stress of Olvls. Hardly anyone knows. He spend all his outing calls for me & I was dearly touched. But I know I was in my emotional mood. & Nothing hits me at all despite being touched. Cos I know I have no feelings for this man. One of the day in Sept'o8, I actually tried out due to the pressure everyone is giving. Everyone is asking me to let him love me. But I know when he hold my hands, I don't feel love. I didn't like that feeling at all. He didn't let me feel that love that I should feel. Just then I start to suspect if I am a lesbian or what. I know nothing seemed to let me know I am in love with this man. By right, should be I am not in love at all. I tried out a day & told him the truth for I don't love him at all & it is really stressful ): so I rather let time shows. & to my surprise, he actually still wants to wait for me & I didn't know why. I can't seemed to think of a reason. Seriously I have no idea why this guy wanna wait for me still & love me still despite what I did. I know he was really a great friend of mine. But one day, when he came down, I think its on the 2nd or smth, something amazing happen. A miracle actually happen that no one has expect.
I have actually fallen in love with Desmond Toh. That day due to him did not msg me at all when he was on his way home, I was really anxious & worried & thinking if he has fallen for Choyyu & those stupid thoughts. I actually thought of all that negative thinking. I actually fallen in love with Desmond Toh. I asked myself that, & I actually fallen in love with him, I was so surprised. I told myself if by 2am, he didn't come online, I wouldn't tell him & let the feelings be buried inside my heart forever & just carry on being single. But God just played another prank on me, he came online & I just can't stop cursing him. I gave him hints of hearing songs & typing words. I have actually fallen for him without myself knowing. I confessed to him & he was shocked. He didn't asked me for stead on that day but as days goes by, I know my feelings for him are getting stronger until on the 1o Oct 2oo8, I can't control myself anymore. I just kept scolding him. We even hear musics and it causes my emotions to stir severly. He asked me on the phone something which I hated so much. Then eventually I msg him at 3.2oam that I am willing to be his girlf. We don't plan to disclose it until finally on the 17 Oct'o8, we told Jialing first & then to everyone. On that day, his first kiss was also stolen by me. I actually kissed him & finding myself in love with him.
I never expect to last this long with him due to all those painful setbacks my previous lovers given me. I know I am in love with Desmond, but I can't help myself but kept giving me many pressure in loving me. I don't know why. I find myself hard to trust him with my whole heart. Nothing inside me convinces me that I am settle down & get used to it. Love has never been so tough for me, but for the first time, he is actually the guy who woo me in those televisions I see & a serious relationship. As days goes by, I know myself changing here & there for him & knowing that I am not going to be that girl last time already. I have actually changed so much for this man. Starting till now, I realized how much I've changed & I actually be with Desmond for so long, three months plus & still carry on counting. I love my Boyf. I know that's true now. None of my ex-es are able to attack my mind anymore & slowly I learn to know what is real & reel. Both differences, I've finally seen through my eyes, heart & soul. Slowly, that's love that I come to know about cos I know nothing can be compared to those wonderful feelings I've. How beautiful, isn't it? I actually have those couple ring which I always wonder of. Finally I found the right Knight. I really hope to last long with my Knight but I ain't thinking so far like last time yet cherishing every single minute with him because I want to & I love him. That's all I can say.
He made me change so much, he made me know him so well. He made me realize some stuffs are to be really think of. Although some bad character of mine are there, I am glad to know that with him in my life, I am gradually changing here & there because God has bestowed this guy to me (: & I definitely wanna love him wih my whole entire heart. It is not going to be an easy road yet a long tough one. I know I can't stop loving him already but it all depends on whether will it be mean to be or not. Love is so lovely yet so painful, & we can taste all flavors of love. (: Love has too many definiations. & I can't help it to just tell people that I am in love with my Boyf♥. He is my Babyy, the man whom I love to make him smile. He made my life so complete & my heart so filled with just only him. In my heart, I guess he is the man I've been searching for but sometimes its just problems that obstruct our love so much but overall I believe & truly believe we can overcome it all! (: Because that's how love works, isn't it? Whatever external factors come along the way, I know we can fight it together because we are lovers, right? Love, Love, Love. So lovely sometimes, (: What to do when you have finally found the guy of your dreams. Although he ain't that hot guy on some television, I am just contented to have him. As I can use my lessons learnt in my previous relationships to this current Boyf of mine because, I want this love to last cos I am too deeply attached to him. Love once again. We have come this road & I believe no one wants to give up. Let's just carry on with our life & have the happy faces (: I love you till your dying bed <3 To My Boyf♥
I love you. I love you so much till I know that your everything appeals so much to me. You make me know the importance of love & most importantly, you are so unique in your ways. You are so different from all the guys I've (: You are like the most special guy on earth. Sometimes feeling that special tingling feeling with you feels so great. Your kisses, your misses, your loves, & everything makes one feel the importance within one. Our beautiful love has finally unfold on 1o Oct (: & I definitely wanna spend every single 1oth with you, my Dearest <3 Sometimes misunderstandings within you & me will happen but I know after a heart-to-heart talk, we will definitely be fine, right? Baby, I love you loads loads. You are that so so so special Knight I have found. How many "I love you" can I ever tell you? I guess no amount of "I love you" is enough cos sometimes too in love is never enough. You know. You are just that special guy, I guess. I know one thing for sure now. It is I miss you, I love you, I need you, I want you wherever you are. But just remember, I am always standing by you cos you are my Darling Boyf♥. No one can replace your lil position inside me except my Best Friend ;] I love you & my Best Friend so dearly <3 Just tell me I love you is enough sometimes when I needed someone to be there cos it is the best words to tell your beloved Girlf here. That's the way to please me ;D I wanna take more neoprints with you, take more photos with you, celebrate more things with you &&& always and always be with you (:
& Your love is the most special thing ever
You make me believe & found love within,
Whatever comes next time, I know we can fight through
Because I know you love me & I love you
Baby, let us hold our hands tightly
& Let the world knows that we are happily attached
I miss you so much & know one thing, alrightey
No guys have ever let me know this is ♥
Until you came along the way
Just the beautiful 3 words with one meaning,
我爱你!
Desmond & Danielle
1o Oct 2oo8, o32oAM ♥
Baby, ilu! (:
P.S. Boyf I know you read lerh. But ya! :D
