Today apart from being emotional over my Best Friend, Winnie, I actually got emotional for another person. The person is none other than my Boyf. <3 All of a sudden, my heart also went into a whirl.. But I know it is not as deep as my Best Friend. But I missed him alot.. So much till I can't help it but buy many many gifts for my Best friend & my Boyf. I guess that is the power of love I have for the both of them. For this post, I am going to refer only to my Boyf for I have already mentioned my strongest pinning for my Best Friend. As for my Boyf, I missed him so much. For I realized how important is he inside my heart. Yes I tends to be afraid that he will hurt me alot. But I don't know why but I just have fallen so deeply in love with him Is it so crazy? I don't know why. He is so important to me too. I know that since the day I chose him on 1o Oct, my life is going to have a big and enormous change. The change starts the moment I stead with him. I started to be committed into a brand new relationship & not doing any silly things at all. My heart has been frozen for 9 months plus but finally a key has unlock this frozen heart bit by bit.. All of a sudden, I was really amazed for how he did that. But I know as he takes his time to slowly open, my heart is also opening & loving him more each day instead of closing up. Today sudden pinning for him, I guess its due to the fact I am afraid I will lose him. I have no desire to lose him at all. He is my deepest love after all those heartbreaks. He is the man I loved now. But I am still scared of this and that. How much can I tell him, I can't bear to lose him at all.. What can I do when I misses him so much? He can't be there for me always and always for he has his own family and friends. I don't want to obtain him all by myself but I am missing him so much, so deeply. How much can he knows? I don't know why. But sometimes I love him so deeply till I am afraid of all those shitty stuffs. Am I loving too much? Or too less? Can he sense it? Every single questions in a relationship hits me, making me feel so clueless. Hearing his voice, his sms-es, a sense of relief is there. He is still there to love me. Showering me with all the loves I have lost I don't know why, but he has really proven to me that I can love him alot. But I am really afraid I am being so nice to him until he can takes advantage. I love my Boyf so dearly. But sometimes, why do I gets so tensed up? Is it good? Is it bad? I don't know..? I don't dare to use forever on him, but I know I love him so much. Until now, I am even missing him. Giving him the key to my heart leads to great courage. Until now, I still wonder do I pressurize him alot? Oh well. I guess I do think alot. Really think alot. So much more than what normal peepos can imagine. I don't want him to be my regret yet be my love, just my lovee I have no desire to think any further but I know my heart & brain got alot of questions. I don't know why. Tomorrow I am meeting my Boyf. I am feeling excited. I am feeling happy. I am so glad. But is he feeling the same way? Somehow as times pass by between me & him, I realize that I can't help it but let our hearts connected to each other. I am also very clueless on whether will he loves the gift I buy. Gosh, my mind is thinking again. But I know once he talk, I stop and think. Am I weird? I think I am.. We are heading 2nd month && for the first time, I got a gift for my Boyf on that 2nd mth &&&& someone is really loving me..I have put a total of my hearts in it. But can he feel it? I want to know something somehow..., 你知道你在我心里有这么重要吗？你知道我好爱好爱你吗？自己总觉得自己在怕莫样东西，可是我相信你会把我解救，对吗？宝贝，爱你真的好幸福，可是我也很怕！我不知道自己怕什么，可是我真的好像用我一生来爱你..,this is my word for you. But I am afraid of the future. Oh well. I guess, you are the love I have now & I WANT TO LOVE ALOT! Anyways my love.. this post is to let you know that you are THAT important.. You are not Jordan, you are not Randal. You are Desmond Toh Yong Qiang <3 THE MAN I LOVE NOW! && I WANT TO LOVE MANY MANY MORE (:
我相信有了你，一切回顺顺利利因为你会好好爱我，对吗？