I don't know how to be a good girlf ):
I want to show to him, that I love him like never before but simply nothing seemed to be right. I don't wish to see anything happen. My mood is swinging all over again. Once again, I hurt him unknowingly again. Hurt him in a way that I don't know what can I do to show that I am alright. He told me he is afraid of me, sometimes I think I am the one who is afraid of him because I am scared that I do something wrong and hurt him unknowingly. I want to love him like last time, like never before. Cos he is my Knight, that Knight in shining amour. But it seemed that, I am becoming worst ): Things must be great, not unhappy. Your smile is all I ever wanted. Simple as that. I promise you I shall do whatever I can to last our love happily. Instead of causing all this. I don't know how.
I admit,
I really want him to tell me, "Congrats on winning".
I really want him to not be afraid of me.
I really want him to know I love him always.
I really want him to feel my love towards him.
I really want to be that good girlfriend.
I really want you to smile cos I did something right.
I really want him to tell me he does love me.
I really want him to stop scolding me sometimes.
I really want to be the best girlfriend for him.
I suppressed every single thing and give my whole entire heart for you ): But can he just don't be scared of me? What can I do to show things are going well? I don't know what else have I done to actually cause this. I have not lied to him, not cause any harm but things just suddenly keep coming till I don't know why. My mood is swinging, because of things circulating. I held back my tears, and kept typing this post. I don't know what I do to cause all this? Sometimes, I want him to smile for me. Smile because I love his smiles.
I love the way he smile at me.
I love the way he talk to me sweetly.
I love the way he cares for me.
I love the way he convinces me to remove my mole.
I love the way he ask me to take care.
I love the way he kiss me before I go home.
I love the way he and I have heart to heart conversation.
I love the way he pulls me out of the toy shops.
I love the way he sleeps so peacefully.
I love the way he wishes me every monthsary.
I love the way he will force me to sleep.
I love the way he kisses me so dearly.
I love the way he surprises me with presents.
I love every of his ways. Probably this time round, it is my fault for having so many thoughts inside me. Hiding and hiding and eventually it cause a burden in my relationship with him. That's why I say it is my fault. I think too much. I think of the past too much till I neglect what's close to me. Maybe I have changed. But all I know is I have always loved him, he is always my number 1. I am even thinking of how do I make him stuffs when he is overseas. Maybe I am thinking too much. Maybe just sensitive to the things that is around me. The rain cries out my heart, crying to let me know I am wrong again. I mustn't think no more. If this goes on, I don't know what's become of me. It is hopeless to think of Winnie, think of Jordan cos they are past that won't come back to say "Hi" to you. They probably don't even know who are you, don't even bother who are you. Yet, I have to cherish him, the man who has been loving me since 10 October 2008, I can't leave him behind on the lurch. I only can care for the present. I have release hands of parents, hands of friends yet only have the hands of him. That's all I asked for since the day I begin the road with him. No one is going to tell me sweet loving things except him. Maybe I just want to hear it sometimes. The love and care and warmth and everything from him is all I ever needed. ): Not any other things, because I don't wish to have anything else except him. True, typing always cure me. But this time, I seek his forgiveness. That's all. I shall no longer think of the past, think of all those people who will come back again ): I guess time has decided for me to move on. I have moved on, just suddenly random thoughts attack me, making me lost in the forest.
If ever he is gone, I am the one who will be lost. Will be the one who doesn't know what to do? Because his everything is my everything. I only want to cherish those I love which is the one and only himm. No more man deserves my love except him. Don't leave me in the lurch, don't left me thinking what am I to do without you. Tears kept rolling but the true tears is shed just for you. God, I seek you to help me ): Help me make my love with him be a better one, be a strong one. I don't like all this, I only like the way he loves me. I can't let go this pair of hands who I have been depend on for a year plus. Tears dried up, I hope everything is going to be fine. I don't like all this, I only want to be his perfect girlfriend again. I don't know how when he throws his temper, when he is unhappy but I must make him happy. Make him smiles. As his girlf, I must be the best to show him I love him. That's all.. Your love is all I ever wanted, until today. <3 This love will go on, cos I do love you only. Forever & Always.
