I need a medicine

& I Hate That Fcking Feeling Running Through Me Right This Moment

All of a sudden, I got a sudden urge of being not who I am. Cos somehow, I feel kinda fcked up by being who I am ): I hate being myself sometimes, cos it really sux to the core. Somehow, all of a sudden I hate myself for so many things, so many things until I want to vent it all out cos seriously, venting is only a solution I can do just to ease my pain. I know what I type, someone is going to tell me all sorts of nice things but seriously at this moment, only real & truth can hit or else nothing simply gets in my ears. So practically, consoling can, but it all depends on whether I want to listen or not...

I hate myself for being all soft wanting to be there when I am actually not needed
I hate myself for being a piece of shit towards my past relationships
I hate myself for giving in to so many things happening
I hate myself for worrying people too much and too easily
I hate myself for having a brain which only knows how to run wild
I hate myself for thinking too much and thinking things will be possible
I hate myself for committing so much sometimes until I think I am a sucker
I hate myself for having attitude problems when I am feeling all fck-ed up
I hate myself for volunteering myself to be there when I am just extra
I hate myself for letting myself to fall so deep into a trap which I know I love alot
I hate myself for being so different from any other people
I hate myself for being a sensitive person who care nothing but her Boyf & Best Friend
I hate myself for letting my emotions sway so badly when I needed someone
I hate myself for thinking some stuffs are things I should do
I hate myself for being judged by people cos I hang out late
I hate myself for giving problems towards my Boyfriend
I hate myself for wishing too much to hear "Thank you for your concern loads"
I hate myself for simply who I am cos I sux in every single thing I typed out
I hate myself for loving and caring for the ones I love wholeheartedly
I hate myself for hoping you will call when you will hardly call
I hate myself for pinning too much on unrealistic stuffs
I simply simply hate myself for everything all of a sudden...)':

I guess this is how suckish I am feeling right now. Not wanting to do anything, just type the whole hell out of every single bit. I hate myself so much right at this moment, totally hating myself for being so shitty right now. My mood is wrecking my mood. It is totally making me feeling all shitted-up. Not fcked up but feeling like a bag of SHIT! I don't know why. I am feeling unhappy. SAD. ANGRY. DEJECTED. UNIMPORTANT. USELESS. CRAPPY. && whatever words that anyone can think of. Yes I love myself but today I hate myself, only at this hour, minute, second, && milisecond. Hating this feeling inside me yet not knowing what to do.

Tick tock tick tock! I guess it is time to feel better now. I must smile. I must smile (: I mustn't let shitty feeling affecting me. Yes it is wrecking me, but I am smiling :D giving my best shot~ Well, maybe boredom makes me sad? I have no idea. I can't seemed to know myself yet simply just think I am a crazy maniac whom emotions just swing like fcking hell >< I have no idea. Is the song affecting me? Or is whatever Boyf's saying affecting me? I am clueless. Songs tend to suck alot which is making me like that. Oh well! I must say one thing, my emotions SUX SUX SUX SUX SUX!

& I need a medicine to cure my emotions,
I need to stop feeling like this.
I don't like what is running in me
I am feeling all weird and insane
I am sick, but who cares?
I need a medicine so badly
Cure my emotions 
Before it swings to the bad zone ):
Who will be my cure?

让我忘了心理的痛苦，只让我真心真意爱你就够了